OVERTHINKING

&

LEARNING TO PAY LESS ATTENTION TO THINGS

Hello again, this blog post came to me yesterday after I felt a great learning had taken place after something which ordinarily would have consumed my mind for ages, until I had beaten myself up emotionally so many times I would of felt a totally worthless wreck!!!

It was something from my past which had been forced into my future, without me knowing. It immediately pulled me off my very new found path & I found myself rapidly feeling hurt & not good enough. 

I walked around for a few days with this buzzing at the back of my mind, wondering how I should play this one? I had been at this door many times not knowing how to react or handle a difficult situation.

I thought about all the work I have put in over the last one & a half years whilst recovering from clinical depression. I thought about my journey & what is has taught me. I thought about my new set of values, which I seem to use as a guide to what feels right for me at times like this. My transition from being silent to finally finding a small voice. My need for safe boundaries to maintain my selfcare & wellbeing. Remember that my resiliance has become stronger & I am able to bounce back using self belief as my trusty friend.

It seemed to highlight some emotional progress for me & I felt so empowered to not feel trapped in my own web of negativity & self pity, probably for the first time ever!!! I felt different about myself. I had been affected by the events but it had not dented me or lessened me. Maybe this was some kind of growth for me, finally? It felt like it?!

After some thought I realised my usual overthinking of a situation which would almost cripple me with anxiety & anger had changed. I decided I was going to give things LESS ATTENTION that did not warrent any more!

I thought I must always remember to give myself the same attention as I give to others, my self nuture, my self love. This is something I still find so hard to do & I am very much at the beginning of this new way of thinking. I have to, not only for myself but also for my two young girls. To help them understand & develop their own feelings of self worth & value.

SELFIES

The photographs above are all taken by myself. I feel they are telling a story of me feeling more comfortable in my own skin. For someone who has never felt body confident & never really liked looking at a photograph of myself I am starting see a different person. 

This person is looking for the same things as I was before, but somewhere along my story they became invisble during times of trauma & illness. I still suffer with dreadful osteoarthritus in my joints & recently pain in my face & jaw. I am attending hospital appointments to look into these very soon. But on the whole my mental wellbeing is much improved. All the work I have done on myself & all the people I am inspired by has given me some great emotional tools to allow healing & acceptance of my story so far. 

I AM TRYING TO LOOK FOR

truth

goodness

opportunity

unexpected joys

connection

authenicity

love

choice

healthy compromise

self worth

validation

 friendship

positive environments & people

I AM TRYING TO LEAVE BEHIND

people pleasing

comparing myself to others

judging others

overthinking

 to high expectations

negative thoughts & situations

  I have decided it is has come to the right time to leave blogging about myself & my family. I hope to get more creative with some more collage work in the near future & would love to use the blog to show my work in progress & finished results. 

For those of you who have kept up reading my posts I say a huge thank you!! Including those of you who were kind enought to leave lovely comments & to blackdogtribe for publishing many of my posts on their website.

 

Lastly a massive thank you & hug for those who actually bought one of my collages! It makes my feel so proud to think people are still enjoying their collages in their home as much as I did making them in my home!

   Looking foward to some more creative based posts in the near future!

Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.
xx