PAIN IS NOT OK!

A celebration of my Blog & Collage Art since January 2013

COLLAGE CONNECTION GALLERY

Hi it is 6 months since starting my blog & beginning my creative journey. I have kept a note book over this time, which I make a note of words that I must never forget. Whilst sitting in a waiting room on 31.1.2013 I saw a yellow stick it note on the pin board about peoples experiences with mental health. It was hand written in what looked like a young persons handwriting & it said, PAIN IS NOT OK!. I looked at these words for a long time as they had moved me so much. I knew it was one of those important moments that I had to remember always to help my recovery. I am so grateful to whoever had the insight & courage to write those 4 words & sincerely hope they have found peace themselves. 

I would like to expain just how it felt to be clinically depressed' mainly to give those who find it impossible to understand this illness.

• Not being able to feel - Numb

• Not being able to socialise - Shame

• Not being able to sleep - Worry
• Not being able to see - Foggy vision
• Not being able to connect - Disconnected from myself & my environment
• Not being able to have conversations - Silent
• Not being able to have any energy - Exhausted

• Not being able to have any hope - Fearful for the future of myself & my family.
•  

 Also I had a pattern of learnt behaviour that needed some changes.

• Making too many compromises
• Looking to others for fulfilment
• Not enjoying my own company
• Allowing myself to be controlled
• Always feeling lost 
• Always feeling my story was different & misunderstood

Throughout this last six months I have worked to change & begin to heal myself by using various ways of self expression through art, writing & photography. Also I have been reading lots about mental health through books & the computer. Most times I find working during the night when the house is so quiet & I can relax without interuptions. Although I am shattered by 9pm the next eve I find this to have the most positive impact on my thought process to date.

My collage work has been a definate journey through emotions which I find hard to accept, allow, practice or often feel worthy of. But thankfully the written affirmations I have chosen to be featured in my collage work, have had a positive influence towards my wellbeing so far!

Even again finding myself admist yet another extremely stressful & sensitive family difficulty, regarding this time the health of my eldest daughter, I have somehow managed to create a small layer of resilience to protect me through this difficult time.

I wish to include more information regarding my road to recovery in future blogs, but for now I will close.

Just to add whilst reading that yellow stick it note back in January 2013, I did not understand how my body functioned without feeling emotional pain so strongly, due to many things. But I can honestly say with great gratitude & pride that I find it really hard to feel that same intensity of pain today. It has become much more silent as I have started to be the "BRAVEST," I can possibly be today! I am so grateful for this new feeling & have to trust I will do whatever I can to hold onto it. 

Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.
xx