MY REVIEW

black rainbow

RACHEL KELLY

By collageconnection.blogspot

I had already added Rachel Kelly to my Facebook likes some time ago, after reading a newspaper article about her. Many of the inspirational people that I have discovered have been by sheer accident, one article leading me to the next one, like a hungry detective looking for clues. Thankfully I have found many special people this way. They have all played a crucial part in my recovery from clinical depression during 2012. Anyone brave enough to tell the world about their own personal struggle with depression will always worthy of my attention! I loved the idea that Rachel Kelly had found reading poetry a healing experience at such a dark and extremely painful time for her. I, myself  had found reading positive affirmations and creating colourful paper collages had helped me to begin to express my troubled emotions, which started to bring new hope, peace and joy into what had become my colourless existence over a very long time.

I started my own blog in January 2013, which became my journal of self expression and recovery. Blackdogtribe published some of my blogs last year. This meant such a lot to me. They recently asked me if I would be interested in reviewing the new book, “black rainbow” by Rachel Kelly. I was really thrilled to be considered and took this as another huge positive in my journey to a better me. I started the book about two weeks ago. I am not the fastest reader, but this book was so compelling for me I couldn't put it down. Her story was something I could identify with in many ways and so it has proved to be an extremely significant book to me. It will take place on my book shelf as  reminder of peoples battles and healing from depression and all that comes with it.

THE REVIEW

Rachel Kelly, well educated, middle class appeared to have everything worked out perfectly. To the outside world she had an enviable life. She had a professional, loving husband, an impressive career, two adorable children, and a hard working nanny, plenty of good friends, a very supportive family and good health.

Everything in Rachel’s neat and tidy life changed suddenly as she became very ill within days. She was totally engulfed by pain and exhaustion both mentally and physically. This book begins in 1997, continuing to present day and describe the onset of her debilitating depression and her eventual recovery. It tells in graphic detail of all her relationships and how the illness negatively affected her marriage and motherhood. Also how her world shrank and became socially very small. Her utter dependence on her mother as a carer, during her depressive episodes. Her mother’s insight into poetry and how it began to help Rachel cope. It is written with real raw honesty, it made me physically feel her pain and distress. I became part of her house too. I felt very much immersed in the efforts to make her well again. Her writing is warm at times too, when describing her surprise friendships that developed and became such an important part of her recovery. Her pain made me sad, her stubbornness made me angry, and her isolation from her children made my heart break. I started to really care about her. I found myself really thinking about her husband and her mother with such great respect. They had both played amazing parts in this whole horrendous time for their family. I felt she was a friend. I wished her well. I wanted her find a way out of her complete darkness.

I felt great joy too, when she began to see some colour in her life. Her love of poetry was my love of paint. Depression meant we both had some massive changes in our lives if we had any chance of recovering. Like me she was a perfectionist, a people pleaser. She felt great shame about being depressed when she had nothing to be depressed about?!! She had no idea why this depression had landed on her and crushed every part of her so she could no longer function or move. Many years later through counselling she finally worked out it was from her childhood that patterns of behaviour had become ingrained. Depression has allowed us both to almost start again from scratch but this time allowing our imperfections, flaws and quirks. Not needing other people’s acceptance all the time. Be more kind and gentle to ourselves. Remembering self care and being responsible for ourselves, as apposed to always looking for someone else to lean on.

I started to really appreciate that depression can happen to anybody regardless of class, upbringing, education, lifestyle, financial status, personality. My connection with Rachel was our similar stories but with massive personal differences. But fundamentally it was our struggles from dark and grey to light and colour.

This book has surprised me. I like Rachel have recovered from very dark days and now find myself to be a totally different person, because I could no longer exist as the one I had become. It was an emotional read for me as it did take me back to my battle of dark, lonely days with counselling and medication. My experience was no where near as debilitating physically, but mentally very similar. 

Her book should be read by anyone who is struggling with depression or may have found a way out to the other side.  Family, carer’s and friends would also find it helpful. Her descriptions of being in the grips of such a destructive depressive illness are real, honest and heart felt.

I have found the book to be sad, frustrating, warm, hopeful, inspiring and the greatest reminder of how far a healing journey can take us?!!

Thank you, Rachel Kelly for your determination, bravery and courageous spirit. Also for writing a book which will serve to educate people about this incredibly difficult and so often misunderstood condition.

Wishing you days of soothing words and glorious colour!!

 Many thanks to BlackDogTribe for the invitation to write this review.

Best wishes from

www.collageconnection.blogspot.co.uk

Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.
xx