DEAR DISNEY

Good morning, I am writing this post through the eyes of our wonderful daughter, who is fifteen years old. 

She was diagnosed as having Aspergers in 2014. She had been so excited about returning to her favourite Disneyland Paris, that real life had been even more difficult for her a week before our visit. All her usual obessions such as, youtube video's, Sims, watching Disney DVD's, drawing Disney animation or blogging about Disney or Sims just didn't entertain or distract her. She found she was more distant from life, just going through the motions everyday. It was an enormous effort for her to attend her morning session at school. It was also very really hard to reach her, as she was floating away in her own world. Her mood is always changeable, but this was very upsetting for all of us. Had we made the right decision?!!

On arriving at Disneyland Paris earlier than expected, she became very frustrated when we relised we could not get into our hotel room till 3pm. Valuable Disney time was being wasted & this was causing her to become very aggitated & impatient. Her mood became volatile & angry. It was a tricky few hours to kill.

Her mood became instantly calmed as we entered the park for the 2nd time. We had visited at the same time in 2013. Her diagnosis had not been given at that time & we were still unsure why she was so ill with depression & body pain. I found myself seeing just what she sees & feels so intensely. Every inch of my body & mind merged with hers as I could feel & see she was home again. She was safe & very happy.

I rejoyced in her energy, I marvelled by her enthusiasm, I encouraged her to feel totally free. I knew she wanted to throw her arms up into the air on her first photograph. She flung both arms up high. It was amazing!!! She could hardly walk at times a few days earlier. It was like a miracle drug had been pumped into her troubled body, allowing her to be painfree & carefree for a second. 

We organised her special pass, which had a box on it with a cross in it indicating Autisim. I cried for the 1st time since her diagnosis as I held it in my hand. My husband held my other hand tightly. Our girls looked embarassed, but understood my emotions. Relisation for me was heavy & felt like a very sharp knife in my tummy. My breath was taken from me as my tears appeared. Relief also that we did not have to fight, as I had imagined. Everything has been a fight regarding her diagnosis so why not this too? But it was smooth, caring, professional & easy?!! We were ready card in hand to go & explore this magical place with ease!!

The music began as we lined up on Main Street. The familiar song being blasted loudly through the air. My daughter was already claiming her view point on the curb. Not shy, not unsure this time. But bold, almost pushy, with great purpose. Her camera ready to record this moment again, the very same as last year. My tears came as I caught a glimpse of the parade. My daughter was away from me, did not look back for help or reassurance. She has arrived at her confidence, her independance. She was clicking away, taking fabulous images. She has a wonderful creative eye & so was feasting on what was passing by. My husband held my hand. I know the feeling of deep grief, both my parents have passed. I am not new to loss & pain. This was a moment when I was smiling as wide as Main Street, but my heart was snapping into thousands of pieces. A beautifully difficult moment for me.

We already had a plan of her main objectives this visit. Autographs with characters, especially Princesses. Rides that allowed her to scream really really loudly with no one wondering why? Maybe even have a sneeky jump in the air?!! Eating lots of  yummy treats which she had already researched. Purchashing gifts from the many stores around the park & seeing as many of the parades as possible.

The 11pm light & firework show was a highlight too, which she had enthused over ever since seeing it last May for their anniversary year. 

 The green pass was worth it's weight in gold. We were on rides within maybe 10 mins. Most autographs the same, with only one being over an 1 hour. It made our experience 

just so much easier & stress free. It did not go without it's difficulties, in that our daughter looks fine. Strangers would think that she was just like anybody else. It did feel awkward at times walking past other people queing & wondering what they might be thinking?!! I did not look, just walked with love in my heart for my daugther & my family. I knew her daily struggles. I knew her many difficulites with socialising. I knew her struggles with depression. I knew her struggles with isolation. I knew her struggles with total exhaustion & body pain. I knew her struggles going to sleep. I knew her struggles going to school everyday. I knew her struggles with friendships. I held my head high & walked knowing my daughter was incredibly brave, adorable & beautiful. This was one thing in her life at that moment that she had NO STRUGGLE with & I was so happy for her. We had an absolute blast!

"THANKYOU DISNEYLAND PARIS"

  Until next time, thankyou for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care
xx