THE CRASH LANDING AFTER DISNEY


After 3 days in Disneyland Paris we were all ready to say goodbye, until the next time. All except our eldest daughter who has Aspergers Syndrome, high functioning autism.

 Disney has become her most favourite interest & hobby. She lives & breathes everything there is to know about Disney. She buys the merchandise. She blogs about it. She creates scrapbooks about her visits. She draws animation characters. She knows most the words to all of the songs in the movies. She collects the films & music soundtracks. Basically it has become her world. The Princesses & array of  colourful characters are her loyal friends. She feels comfortable with this one sided relationship. She can cope with this fantasy world. A world of colour, music, animals & talking snowmen! She never gets board talking or writing about it. She focuses like she is wearing blinkers when out shopping scanning the shops for anything Disney that might jump out & catch her eye. It is an adreinlin buzz for her.  If you should wish to look for something for yourself, beware you have a very minature window of opportunity.

It's not that she means it. It's not that she is intentionally selfish or self obsessed to annoy you. She simply finds it very hard to recognise anyone elses needs or desires other than her own.

 Looking back she has been struggling with many different difficulties since she was a tiny baby. But now she is 15 years old & no longer a small child, it has become much more noticable. 

THE JOURNEY HOME
She did well walking away from the park, which is where she broke down after our first visit. She agreed it was time to leave & we had all enjoyed so much fun!
In the car waiting to get on the Eurotunnel we had a longer wait than expected. This rather delayed our leave which seemed to give her an opportunity to begin processesing the reality of her situation, LEAVING!

MELTDOWN

The tears came. The panic attack began. I quickly changed seats to sit next to her. She wanted to go back! She did not want to come home! She couldn't! She cried at the greyness of normal life. It was so boring & how would she cope leaving her world of safety & freedom behind. She found it impossible to breathe. She was hot & angry at everything including herself. Finally the car started to move & as I gently talked to her & comforted her she calmed down. She put her headphones on with familiar music & zoned out. 

SCHOOL

She could not get out of her bed on Monday. Her body was tender & stiff. Her skin was raw to touch & her legs felt completely numb. I had to help lift her legs round to a sitting position & then help her to slowly stand. We stumbled to the bathroom. She was in such pain. She appologised many times saying how silly she was & such a useless daughter. She could not go to school. We managed to get down the stairs stopping on the last step as she felt faint & dizzy. I got her to the sofa where she stayed all day shuffling in pain to get slightly comfortable. She was unable to focus or concentrate on anything, even her favourite television programes. She was terrifed of socialising with her peers at school so much her body had gone into shutdown. Depression & anxiety are powerful & can really have a massive effect on your mind & body. This is part of her Aspergers. Heartbreaking for all. She takes some medication for this each evening.

EXAMS

Tuesday was her early English GCSE exam. She attended & did the exam. She felt ill but managed it as there was no communication, predictable & uses her brain. She feels safe with all 3 things.

EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD

Emotional overload occurs when the processing of high & low emotions clash. She seems to have no emotional filter. This week has been a  hugely distressing week of very sudden meltdowns caused by being emotionally overloaded. Yet if she feels comfortable in her surroundings, ie Disney she can cope for much longer. I have felt like I have been hit in the face with a cast iron pan having experienced some respite on our break away. It has been a week where we have moved really far back from reality. It has been a tough one for all members of our family.
GUILT

Whilst she is unable to control her reactions to events or people or environments or noises that cause overload for her, she does & can feel very guilty for her differences & how it affects us. She says sorry lots & that she loves me. Her name for me is Moomie. She has made up names for most things & people which is adorable. I tell her to try & we all love her & try to help her to feel good about herself & her amazing abilities.

A NEW WEEK : A FRESH START

 Tomorrow is her Maths early GCSE as she is in year 10. She is planning on getting to do this exam. This is where you find us today. More Disney stickers been purchased today & shown to us all. I hope with all my heart that this week is a better week for us all including her younger sister who is finding this very confusing, frustrating, annoying & frightening too at times. She just loves her sister & is growing into being a young lady herself. Her older role model has vanished into thin air leaving a very different sister to hang out with. It's hard!! Holding into the good. Believing in the positive possibilities this week holds, in between caring for my sweet girls & my worried husband. Also remembering to take care of myself.


SUNSHINE AFTER THE RAIN


Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.
xx

PLEASE TAKE NOTE A DOCTORS SIGNED LETTER WAS REQUIRED FOR DISNEY TO APPLY FOR THE SPECIAL DISABILITY CARD IN THE PARK. WE PAID £45 TO OUR PRACTICE FOR THIS.

2 comments

  1. I cannot really fathom all you have on your plate. I am so happy you have this medium to use to share it with the world. xo

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    1. Hi Maggie firstly many thanks for reading my blog & taking time to comment!! I had a rough evening & your comments came just before my head hit my pillow. It was lovely to receive both of your lovely messages. I have had a very emotionally raw day, but guess what a wonderful possistive suprise has occured for my daughter just this afternoon. I cried with her, as it was such a great moment where she had connected with some friendship that she had made all by herself!!! A pen-pal from Florida!!!! Many thanks Maggie xx Going with the flow today!!!

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