YESTERDAY



Yesterday kind of days are the worst
Eye lids that refuse to open
Daylight hurts, when they do
A body that is weak & disconnected
Lying in bed is the answer 

Life is too fast
Noises are too amplified
Smells are too intensified
Colour is too vivid
Communication is impossible
Thinking causes head pain

My hands cover my face
The duvet shields my presense from view
My breath is warm on my skin
Legs fight & thrash to find comfort
Slipping in & out of dreams
Stuck feeling vile, useless, hopeless & frightened

Every negative word swirls around & around once said about me
Every flaw I own is repeatidly felt over & over again
Every loss I have survived is relived
Every mistake ever made is retold

Nothing makes any sense
Questioning, "How do people live this life?!!"
My resilience is under serious attack
Energies are all burnt out
Battery flat
Broken mind, body & soul
Running on empty for way too long

No words to speak
No giving or receiving of love today
Drifting like lead with a heavy numbness
In desperation for peace & light

Been here before, many times
Listening to muffled voices of my family
Me the carer, being cared for

Tomorrow I need to see again
Feel this world of ours
Immerse my soul in good
Seek joy
Recognise love
Share words 
Live a little

Exhaustion had paralised
Masking had stopped
Raw emotions surfaced
Trueself was seen
Fear took over
Saddness overwhelmed

Another breakdown under my belt
Another non day notched up
Another crisis to remember 
Another mental battle to heal
Another day half lived
Another day wished away

Tomorrow will come
Let it be
Rough with the smooth
Mind over matter
Dancing in the rain
Holding on
One day at a time
Be my own best friend

2am can't sleep anymore
Writing these words help me
Process
Nightime
Insomnia
Grateful for our dogs steady breaths, calms me
A new light has to come
I will be ready this time 


Thank you for reading my poem

Its been a while, but this was much needed. 
 

 

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