FORTY SIX : A REVIEW

I am a mum & wife who has found myself on a twelve month journey of truth, courage & self nuture. I have read lots, listened lots & created lots. I have worked on my past, present & future through many ways including, talking, writing, art & poetry. Also beginning this blog has helped me  come to terms with many life events that have happened, also events that are happening around me now. 

By returning to my creative roots in January this year, after twenty five years, I have been able to express myself using various collages that I have designed. Some of them have positive affirmations on them, which I have read daily. 

Throughout this year I have discovered many wonderful people who are doing & saying some amazing things about life, love, forgiveness, joy, gratitude, grief, courage, self care, self acceptance, faith, & belief. I have soaked up their wisdom, lessons, creativity, freedom, spirit & used this as food for my soul. 

I have been very lucky to have sold six of my collage's to family & friends. This has been a real suprise & joy for me which I did not expect. I am very grateful for their interest in my work. It means such a lot to me!! 

FROM A DISTANCE

COLOUR YOUR LIFE

 SUNSHINE AFTER RAIN

GLOW

I have shown great courage & bravery throughout the long & very emotionally upsetting battle for my eldest daughter's recent diagnosis of Asperger's High Functioning Autism. I am continuing to educate myself & pass this information onto to all who are interested, including family & friends. I have worked hard on resolving wider family difficulties, that began to crack like ice across a pond with no stop in sight. I have listened, forgiven, started to express myself with clarity & not given up on people, which could have been one solution. I have moved forward in search of peace & resolve. 

I have worked on boundaries & constantly need to re-assess the vital need for them. It is not about being selfish, but about self-care & trying to maintain a healthy emotional balance for my wellbeing. Something I have NEVER done before. It is hard & I can so easily get dragged back in ...but giving this more thought when I feel the triggers. It comes down to self-respect.

FOR MY MUM

Whilst I still find it very difficult to live without my Mum, this year has been about trying to accept the loss & remember without such crippling emotional pain. I have not & will never forget my Mum or Dad who have both passed away, but now feel I must focus on my life & my family & our future. It is about the here & now with gentle reflection on my past & my history from my childhood.

I have recognised very similar patterns of thinking & behaviour between myself & my elder daughter. This is on-going. Some of our difficulties overlap at points; self-confidence, self-worth, socialising, fitting into groups/gatherings. They also strike a massive chord with my own behaviour patterns. We are both being the bravest we possibly can by just showing up in life everyday & not being afraid of being true to ourselves.

I have tussled with my good friend "PATIENCE" over the last two years, as I always need the answer RIGHT NOW!! It has been hard & very frustrating for me to sit back & allow & have faith & believe. Sometimes not react, but wait. The results have been great.

I have asked for help when it became too dangerous to continue trying to get better myself. I have taken some medication for clinical depression & it helped me feel able to cope. It gave me time to breath & strength to allow healing to take place. I carefully stopped this after 6 months & used the tools I have discovered to guide me through my difficult days/nights.

I have been in search of "JOY" & I have found it this year with many unexpected things, music, art, words, animals, laughter, small moments, suprises & understanding friends.                         

I have worked on being "GRATEFUL", saying thank you for my life & all that is in it. This has helped me stay focused when all has felt hopeless & too stressful.

 In January 2012 I was a woman who was struggling. In December 2013 I am a woman who is still struggling. There has been a difference in this year of struggle. I have grafted, learned, opened up, battled many times over the last 2 years. My wisdom, belief, skills, faith & thoughts that I have developed over this year have started to support my journey & carry me at times when I need help to move forward. 

Ironically both myself & my Mum found 46 to be a testing age. Sadly my mums life was not to go beyond this age, as she lost her own courageous battle with breast cancer. I know she would have been proud of me & how I have turned my battle into something positive during my own 46th year. 

Maybe it's time to amend my personal details on "About me", on the introduction to my Collage Connections blog? It may remind me just how far I have travelled?

An enormous thank you to all of you who that have continued to read or commented on my blog over the last year. 

I would like to wish you all a very

COSY CHRISTMAS 

&

A PEACEFUL NEW YEAR 

  Until the next time, take care.
xx