SICK & TIRED

Somedays are just too much. Today I have reached that day. Fighting a migraine I have decided to write. Just sit & type. So here I am. Mind express yourself. 

I want to cry, but can't. Pain in my face & pressure behind my eyes is a sign that tears are just gathering with no outlet. 

My body is slow & stiff & I am noticing my own movements, to drink, to lift my headache tablets so gently.

Overloaded with gathering & offering information about our life. Listening to advice about how I should be able to implement these changes in our life. Responsibilty overload, living a life which does not fit into the one outside our door.

Doubting myself hugely today

I have become lazy

I have become complacent

I have become more protective

I do need motivating myself

I am feeling out of my depth

I can't remember anything other than the day I am in

I do need to be more gentle with myself

Not good enough today

 Aware of my breathing, aware of my need to reach out & express myself with words. 

Trying not to compare our life, accept & embrace our struggles with grace & optimism. 

Finding it hard to find any balance with myself & my husband as our lives are far from normal & each of us are frightened of each others frustration, sadness & grief. It gets in the way. It becomes another bolder to move. Another struggle to overcome. Another fragile part to living with autism.

We are the wildflowers, trying to live in places people thought we never would

Looking to my flowers today, my beautiful bunches of daffodils for a pound a bunch...priceless to me today! A ray of golden yellow for my grey mind to feast on.

Looking at my daughters today when they wake from their late mornings sleep. Trying to remind myself I am good enough & am doing the best job I can. What I am finding too hard I need not beat myself up about. I can only do so much.

 Loving is my best subject

Knowing that this day will pass & tomorrow is a new day.

Trusting in peace & calm & love.

Allowing myself to feel my hurt & express it in the ways my body is comfortable with.

 Thank you for being my online silent therapist.

Feeling clearer in my mind sharing my rather unpleasant mood with you all. But sharing at a distance works for me? Who knows probably part of my autism? I am pretty sure all the signs are making very loud noises in my soul. Hard for me to ignore anymore. Yet another part of our story for me to come to terms with.

 I will take some photo's of this years flowers to share soon. 

Hoping to continue the "Sharing Saturday" too.

Until next time, take care.

xx

Some images are taken from Pinterest