BROKEN GLASS

By Moira Read

I love

I listen

I fight

I battle

I cope

I hear too many sharp edged words like glass in return

I read

I write

I help

I care

I mentor

I feel too many misunderstandings wrapping around me like 

barbed wire

I try

I learn

I accept

I educate

I share

I often upset or anger people with my knowledge

I meet people more than half way

I thank people for listening to me

I understand how hard our life has become & to be part of that too

I am open & honest about our unexpected journey living with autism, anxiety & depression

I carry the mental scars to prove it

I know it has become a burden for others to bare

I feel the thickness of the glass jar around my family growing

I recognise the weight that we bring along with us

I appologise, but I have no easy answers

I am left to sweep up the daily glass splinters

I assert myself infront of professionals

I lay our family open to constant scrunity

I leave part of my heart in each meeting I attend

I shake hands but often feel just more splintered glass on my skin

I bathe our mental scars daily

I piece together our world with love & affection

I care with every breath

I trust, hope & believe we will make it through

I know people will have to come & go from our world

I feel the need for their own smooth glass to comfort themselves

I understand our glass can seem too sharp, sandblasted & too painful to watch & witness

I am making good friends with isolation

I wish for positive changes for females on the autistic spectrum

I will continue to educate myself & others too

I shall be comforted by our own unique polished glass in time

I ask for my heardened heart to feel softer again 

I am a seeker of calm, peace & love

Hello again, my latest emotive poem was written early yesterday morning within minutes. The words just came from my mind just like bullets from a gun. Fast & with intent.

That is how it feels when the words begin to arrange themselves in my mind. I am driven, emotionally releasing an experience that I have found difficult to process at the time. 

Broken glass is about my feelings during a very intense & emotionally charged meeting, concerning my eldest daughter's medication review with a new Doctor. She has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome & is struggles with continual sensory meltdowns.

Where I felt it should & could have been handled in a better way for me & my daughter, sadly the start to our meeting was deeply upsetting for us both. The Doctor's attitude was hostile, aggressive & too distant.

As a special needs Mum to two daughter's I am already used to running on empty. These meetings are stressful enough. A little bit of tender loving care, for parents like myself would make for a much gentler visit. But no, you have to fight, battle, defend yourself, loose your cool, be questioned, quizzed & basically just dragged by the scruff of your neck through an hour of uncomfortable pain.

I have also been part of a few meetings with very some very special medical & educational professionals. They do have brilliant people skills which allow you to feel included & respected.
This meeting was clearly not one of them!

Thankfully our meeting had a positive outcome in the end after an hour an a half. A few new solutions for my daughter  have been suggested & are being put into place for her to try.

I was exhausted, near to tears, shaken & hurt on leaving the room. It took lots of deep breaths & some time to relax from the after effects of the stress.

Whilst I am so grateful of any help or advice, intervention coming our way I would like to hope that one day professionals will remember when I turn up to see them I am often very vulnerable myself, at the end of my rope & in need of a tiny cup of  kindness too.

Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.

xx

All images are taken from Pinterest