"I LOVE CORNWALL"

 Hello again, this blog post tells of our much needed 5 night break away at my beloved Cornwall, staying on a farm just outside Looe. This was a new experience for us!! We were so excited to meet all the sheep, goats, ducks, chickens & rabbits. 

The past 6 weeks have been very hard on us all, with our youngest daughter age 12, struggling with anxiety & panic attacks when starting her new school. Socialising with her friends, old & new became impossible for her to cope with almost overnight. She has only been able to attend for 3 days since September.

 Our eldest daughter age 15 was diagnosed with Asperger's, High Functioning Autism in October 2013. Her younger sister is now showing the onset of very similar difficulities. This has been a huge shock for not only herself but for us as parents, family members & friends. The sudden change of environment & a huge new building, new faces, new teachers became totally overwhelming for her to cope with after her first day. I had picked up on a change in her personality & body language about 2 weeks prior to her starting school. She was already stressed & feeling overwhelmed which leaves her feeling sick all the time. It then becomes impossible for her function like she would normally do with daily life. At home within her comfort zone of things she loves & having very limited time socialising, she is well in her body. The sensory overload that life beyond our front door creates is kept to a minimum & she is able to cope in this protected world.


I have worked so hard with her school, the welfare officer,  our doctor, the hospital & with friends & family.

Thankfully all my relentless hardwork has paid off & she has already been seen at the hospital & referred to the Autisic Spectrum Disorder Clinic in early December for futher assessment & a possible diagnosis? We also have a meeting with the various professionals involved to discuss how to move things on further, as she is still unable to attend school.

Our eldest daughter has attended morning school since Year 9. Usually by the end of the term she is so exhausted her body crashes with chronic fatigue syndrome symptoms & she has to rest & be around her home comforts & obessions, (Disney being just one of them!!) Running up to our break away, she was off her school for a week with exhaustion. I had both my daughters at home with me. She has many mood swings which at times produced distressing meltdowns for hours at a time. She does not remember anything during the meltdown. I  am learning to ride the emotional waves of such a meltdown & trust it will eventually pass. So is my husband & her sister as they help all the time when the sensory meltdowns begin & end. I am exhausted at the end of it too, as she returns back to us all, fragile, sore, drained. She slowly settles & begins to be part of our family life again.

We all needed some family respite so badly. 

We arrived in thick fog after a long journey.
This lasted for 3 full days!!!!

 

We faced some challenges including the weather, our eldest daughter's emotional meltdown, plus my poor sleeping!!

Thankfully we managed to live through those difficulties & found many wonderful things to concentrate on. Like feeding the animals, collecting fresh eggs & eating them for breakfast. A real burning fire & wearing wellies!! Watching some great DVD's together, with the rain lashing on the windows. Not quite knowing how the days were going to turn out, but enjoying having time & plenty of space to have some fun.

I watched my two girls with tears in my eyes from the kitchen table, as they confidently went to feed their new adorable sheep friends. I heard my youngest say,"bye see you in a bit" as she went to play pool, darts & ping pong in the games room just across the yard. It was the first time my youngest had looked like herself for over 6 weeks. What a moment to cherish & smile to myself about. I wish with all my heart to hear her say that again, one day soon.

Until next time, take care & keep warm.

Thank you for reading my blog post today.
xx

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TOGETHERNESS

This is a happy blog post which tells the story of our family holiday to Spain a week ago. The photograph shows the three beautiful bracelets, which my husband bought for me & our two special daughters.

We had considered all our needs very carefully before booking our precious week away. Our eldest daughter who has a diagnosis of Aspergers has special needs, which have to be met for her to relax as much as possible in new surroundings.

My husband had searched for hours & hours to find the right property with all the right facilities for us all to spend some very much needed togetherness time!! A private pool, wifi & Sky TV & airconditioning being essential. After almost giving up, he thankfully found the perfect villa.

Before leaving on our trip, I had been nominated by a lovely friend of mine to describe 3 great things each day over 5 days on Facebook. It was an interesting way of ending each day & a lovely way to reflect on the days events with more care & attention than I usually would do.

I would like to list 3 great things from our truely magical week away together.

1. I felt surrounded by love & not at all lonely. 

2. I felt such a huge gratitude & deep joy for all our daily laughter, fun & smiles!!!!

3. I felt thankful to have these wonderful memories to keep us afloat, when we are drifting into troubled waters ahead.

CALM WATER

Taken by our eldest daughter

There was only one evening where things became a little too much for our daughter with Aspergers. It was mid week & came out of the blue late at night after visiting the beautiful town of Nerja. She had an incredible high mood for about 2 hours where she chatted about "Disney" whilst we listened. She would not have known if we were not listening as she was too focused on her monologue. The only difference being her American accent, which she has taken to talking in when feeling overwhelmed or over excited. When asked why, she didn't know? She continued with gusto, then all of a sudden decided to go to bed. To our suprise she did go to sleep very quickly. Our youngest daughter was wondering what was happening? We explained it was just how her sister was coping with being overwhelmed by things & not to worry at all. She lay next to us until she was too exhausted to listen anymore. She too went to bed. It is a learning curve all the time understanding our daughters autism & how to help her live a good full life the best she can. We are all doing the very best we can & so is she.

The next two days she began to really obsess about our guinea pigs & her urgent desire to see them again, especially "Fig". It was time to return home, back to all her usual things & the guinea pigs. We had had a wonderful time that had suprised us all. A special time in a very special place. Maybe one day we will return?

OREO & FIG

Huge thanks & much love to my family

I loved our togetherness so much.

Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.

xx

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THE CRASH LANDING AFTER DISNEY

After 3 days in Disneyland Paris we were all ready to say goodbye, until the next time. All except our eldest daughter who has Aspergers Syndrome, high functioning autism.

 Disney has become her most favourite interest & hobby. She lives & breathes everything there is to know about Disney. She buys the merchandise. She blogs about it. She creates scrapbooks about her visits. She draws animation characters. She knows most the words to all of the songs in the movies. She collects the films & music soundtracks. Basically it has become her world. The Princesses & array of  colourful characters are her loyal friends. She feels comfortable with this one sided relationship. She can cope with this fantasy world. A world of colour, music, animals & talking snowmen! She never gets board talking or writing about it. She focuses like she is wearing blinkers when out shopping scanning the shops for anything Disney that might jump out & catch her eye. It is an adreinlin buzz for her.  If you should wish to look for something for yourself, beware you have a very minature window of opportunity.

It's not that she means it. It's not that she is intentionally selfish or self obsessed to annoy you. She simply finds it very hard to recognise anyone elses needs or desires other than her own.

 Looking back she has been struggling with many different difficulties since she was a tiny baby. But now she is 15 years old & no longer a small child, it has become much more noticable. 

THE JOURNEY HOME

She did well walking away from the park, which is where she broke down after our first visit. She agreed it was time to leave & we had all enjoyed so much fun!

In the car waiting to get on the Eurotunnel we had a longer wait than expected. This rather delayed our leave which seemed to give her an opportunity to begin processesing the reality of her situation, LEAVING!

MELTDOWN

The tears came. The panic attack began. I quickly changed seats to sit next to her. She wanted to go back! She did not want to come home! She couldn't! She cried at the greyness of normal life. It was so boring & how would she cope leaving her world of safety & freedom behind. She found it impossible to breathe. She was hot & angry at everything including herself. Finally the car started to move & as I gently talked to her & comforted her she calmed down. She put her headphones on with familiar music & zoned out. 

SCHOOL

She could not get out of her bed on Monday. Her body was tender & stiff. Her skin was raw to touch & her legs felt completely numb. I had to help lift her legs round to a sitting position & then help her to slowly stand. We stumbled to the bathroom. She was in such pain. She appologised many times saying how silly she was & such a useless daughter. She could not go to school. We managed to get down the stairs stopping on the last step as she felt faint & dizzy. I got her to the sofa where she stayed all day shuffling in pain to get slightly comfortable. She was unable to focus or concentrate on anything, even her favourite television programes. She was terrifed of socialising with her peers at school so much her body had gone into shutdown. Depression & anxiety are powerful & can really have a massive effect on your mind & body. This is part of her Aspergers. Heartbreaking for all. She takes some medication for this each evening.

EXAMS

Tuesday was her early English GCSE exam. She attended & did the exam. She felt ill but managed it as there was no communication, predictable & uses her brain. She feels safe with all 3 things.

EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD

Emotional overload occurs when the processing of high & low emotions clash. She seems to have no emotional filter. This week has been a  hugely distressing week of very sudden meltdowns caused by being emotionally overloaded. Yet if she feels comfortable in her surroundings, ie Disney she can cope for much longer. I have felt like I have been hit in the face with a cast iron pan having experienced some respite on our break away. It has been a week where we have moved really far back from reality. It has been a tough one for all members of our family.

GUILT

Whilst she is unable to control her reactions to events or people or environments or noises that cause overload for her, she does & can feel very guilty for her differences & how it affects us. She says sorry lots & that she loves me. Her name for me is Moomie. She has made up names for most things & people which is adorable. I tell her to try & we all love her & try to help her to feel good about herself & her amazing abilities.

A NEW WEEK : A FRESH START

 Tomorrow is her Maths early GCSE as she is in year 10. She is planning on getting to do this exam. This is where you find us today. More Disney stickers been purchased today & shown to us all. I hope with all my heart that this week is a better week for us all including her younger sister who is finding this very confusing, frustrating, annoying & frightening too at times. She just loves her sister & is growing into being a young lady herself. Her older role model has vanished into thin air leaving a very different sister to hang out with. It's hard!! Holding into the good. Believing in the positive possibilities this week holds, in between caring for my sweet girls & my worried husband. Also remembering to take care of myself.

SUNSHINE AFTER THE RAIN

Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.
xx

PLEASE TAKE NOTE A DOCTORS SIGNED LETTER WAS REQUIRED FOR DISNEY TO APPLY FOR THE SPECIAL DISABILITY CARD IN THE PARK. WE PAID £45 TO OUR PRACTICE FOR THIS.

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DEAR DISNEY

Good morning, I am writing this post through the eyes of our wonderful daughter, who is fifteen years old. 

She was diagnosed as having Aspergers in 2014. She had been so excited about returning to her favourite Disneyland Paris, that real life had been even more difficult for her a week before our visit. All her usual obessions such as, youtube video's, Sims, watching Disney DVD's, drawing Disney animation or blogging about Disney or Sims just didn't entertain or distract her. She found she was more distant from life, just going through the motions everyday. It was an enormous effort for her to attend her morning session at school. It was also very really hard to reach her, as she was floating away in her own world. Her mood is always changeable, but this was very upsetting for all of us. Had we made the right decision?!!

On arriving at Disneyland Paris earlier than expected, she became very frustrated when we relised we could not get into our hotel room till 3pm. Valuable Disney time was being wasted & this was causing her to become very aggitated & impatient. Her mood became volatile & angry. It was a tricky few hours to kill.

Her mood became instantly calmed as we entered the park for the 2nd time. We had visited at the same time in 2013. Her diagnosis had not been given at that time & we were still unsure why she was so ill with depression & body pain. I found myself seeing just what she sees & feels so intensely. Every inch of my body & mind merged with hers as I could feel & see she was home again. She was safe & very happy.

I rejoyced in her energy, I marvelled by her enthusiasm, I encouraged her to feel totally free. I knew she wanted to throw her arms up into the air on her first photograph. She flung both arms up high. It was amazing!!! She could hardly walk at times a few days earlier. It was like a miracle drug had been pumped into her troubled body, allowing her to be painfree & carefree for a second. 

We organised her special pass, which had a box on it with a cross in it indicating Autisim. I cried for the 1st time since her diagnosis as I held it in my hand. My husband held my other hand tightly. Our girls looked embarassed, but understood my emotions. Relisation for me was heavy & felt like a very sharp knife in my tummy. My breath was taken from me as my tears appeared. Relief also that we did not have to fight, as I had imagined. Everything has been a fight regarding her diagnosis so why not this too? But it was smooth, caring, professional & easy?!! We were ready card in hand to go & explore this magical place with ease!!

The music began as we lined up on Main Street. The familiar song being blasted loudly through the air. My daughter was already claiming her view point on the curb. Not shy, not unsure this time. But bold, almost pushy, with great purpose. Her camera ready to record this moment again, the very same as last year. My tears came as I caught a glimpse of the parade. My daughter was away from me, did not look back for help or reassurance. She has arrived at her confidence, her independance. She was clicking away, taking fabulous images. She has a wonderful creative eye & so was feasting on what was passing by. My husband held my hand. I know the feeling of deep grief, both my parents have passed. I am not new to loss & pain. This was a moment when I was smiling as wide as Main Street, but my heart was snapping into thousands of pieces. A beautifully difficult moment for me.

We already had a plan of her main objectives this visit. Autographs with characters, especially Princesses. Rides that allowed her to scream really really loudly with no one wondering why? Maybe even have a sneeky jump in the air?!! Eating lots of  yummy treats which she had already researched. Purchashing gifts from the many stores around the park & seeing as many of the parades as possible.

The 11pm light & firework show was a highlight too, which she had enthused over ever since seeing it last May for their anniversary year. 

 The green pass was worth it's weight in gold. We were on rides within maybe 10 mins. Most autographs the same, with only one being over an 1 hour. It made our experience 

just so much easier & stress free. It did not go without it's difficulties, in that our daughter looks fine. Strangers would think that she was just like anybody else. It did feel awkward at times walking past other people queing & wondering what they might be thinking?!! I did not look, just walked with love in my heart for my daugther & my family. I knew her daily struggles. I knew her many difficulites with socialising. I knew her struggles with depression. I knew her struggles with isolation. I knew her struggles with total exhaustion & body pain. I knew her struggles going to sleep. I knew her struggles going to school everyday. I knew her struggles with friendships. I held my head high & walked knowing my daughter was incredibly brave, adorable & beautiful. This was one thing in her life at that moment that she had NO STRUGGLE with & I was so happy for her. We had an absolute blast!

"THANKYOU DISNEYLAND PARIS"

  Until next time, thankyou for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care
xx

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CORNWALL

MY SPECIAL PLACE

Hello, I'm back from our week in lovely Cornwall. It is taking some time for me to settle back at home, as I am missing the cornish coast so much already.

I am not really sure why, but I just feel so happy when I am surrounded by the sea & all the colours of the beach.

It was a risky trip from the start as my passion for Cornwall has not rubbed off on my husband, Richard. We did struggle at times as the weather was'nt the best! It started really well & then went down hill as we found ourselves sitting on a beach under a massive grey heavy cloud!!! Not great!! But for me sometimes Cornwall's bad weather is when I see all my lovely grey's, greens, blues, yellows, browns & rust colours. I do love the sun too, but the changing weather keeps me on my toes & gives different light around me which I love!

 I would like to share some of my favourite photographs with you on my blog today. They were snapped using my mobile phone so although the quality is not that sharp, the images are good, well I think so?

I really enjoyed popping into a few Art Galleries & Craft Shops whilst visiting Fowey, Padstow, Polperro, Mevaissey & Looe.

 I managed to see some of Jane Reeves beautiful fused glass work, which is inspired by the sea & coast around the UK. 

This was in a lovely gallery in Padstow, www.picturehousegalleries.com. 

Also whilst visiting Polkerris Beach I was delighted to find another gallery which was such a suprise find,

www.gribbengallery.co.uk. 

 I purchased a lovely pair of silver handmade earings by Roberta Hopkins, a jewellery designer from Lostwithiel in Cornwall. I have since looked at her website & love her work. I was also very lucky to find www.polperrogallery.co.uk where I fell in love with a silver & pearl starfish necklace. It's ages since I have treated myself, but felt it was time to indulge a little!

 

I am not sure when me & my family will return, but the memories of this holiday will last me forever. Both my girls enjoyed it so much. The fudge, Kelly's ice-cream, Cornish Pasties, crabbing in the harbour & our beautiful Cottage in Fowey. As for my husband...well maybe he perfers more heat on his skin than Cornwall can offer?? We will see? One day we will say hello & give Cornwall a big familiar hug once more!

Hope you have enjoyed a glimpse into my travels?

Lets hope all this visual inspiration gets some creative ideas flowing for me soon?!

Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.
xx

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GOOD TIMES

We had a wonderfully magical break away as a family! 

We were all so excited about our much awaited trip to Disneyland Paris. Our first time!

I was so pleased that all went really well & that my feet,(which are very painful most of the time with arthritis)just about managed to cope with the amount of walking we did!

It was our time to have some fun & just escape into utter fantasy for 4 days...bliss!

Our girls loved every minute & although we had exhausted all the possibities in the park for us, it was still a really emotional goodbye on our last evening.

I was so grateful to feel our togetherness again. A recipe of happy family memories to lock away deep inside our hearts to cherish forever.

I mentioned in a comment to a lovely friend I think Disney should be on repeat perscription by the National Health! Now that would be magic or perhaps a miracle?

 

I have lots of things I would love to share soon over my blog, more about telling you about some special people I have found during my journey out of depression. 

I have made lots of positive progress & was really thrilled I was able to feel so well, allowing me enjoy our break away to the full! 

I have found I am starting to get more & more interested in "Mental Health" articles/information at this time. As well as continuing to create collage, I would like to include some pencil sketches & possibly some photography? 

I would like to share some inspirational people with you too which are helping me move forward & keep focused on keeping well. More to come soon as I think blogging is helping me express who I am, which seems to do me good?!

Lets see what happens? 

Have a good weekend.

Thank you for reading my post today.

Until next time, take care.
xx
 

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